Welcome to my life

Hey allerseits. Das folgende ist das Produkt von Langeweile im Infounterricht meets Ohrwurm^^
Mein Vorsatz war es, die Stimmung und die Lyrics des Liedes "Welcome to my life" von Simple Plan in eine Geschichte umzuwandeln, dabei wollte ich die eine Person nur in den Lyrics reden lassen. Eventuell könnte das einigen ein wenig gezwungen vorkommen, ist aber der Vorsatz, den ich umgesetzt haben wollte.
So my English isn´t perfect at all, so I would appreciate it if someone of you may give me hand with my mistakes, which will be definitely in the following text, I guess.^^

Welcome to my life

„Did you ever felt like breaking down?”
A small pause.
“Did you ever felt out of place?”, he whispered.
She was nearly unable to give his quiet words a sense. She wanted to say something, it felt like she needed to, but the words stuck in her mouth. What could she even say? She didn´t know what was the reason for his Unhappiness, she didn´t know why he was upset. Maybe something strange happened, maybe not. Maybe it was just a reaction of something that has been exist in him for a long time? There was just one thing she knew clearly.
“Like somehow you just don´t belong”, he went on before she could find the right words to say. His voices was quiet and less of emotions. Her lips formed the first words, as he turned quick away.
“And no one understands you.”
“There are you wrong”, she contradict gentle.
She recognize that her own voices was also empty and emotionless. Two ghosts who talking with each other, she thought and the idea starts nearly a laugh in her stomach, nearly, at least I didn´t. They were not ghost, just two sad souls, perhaps kind of lost in themselves but they were still alive.
“Did you ever wanna run away?” he asked suddenly with a touch of interest. She put her hand soft an his shoulder, to calm down, to relax him.
“Yes, sometimes everybody wants to escape something, I think.” She thought a while about this question.
“Or someone”, she added, while she was starring at her shoes like he did.
“Did you locked yourself in your room? With the radio turned up so loud that no one hears you screaming?”
For a while there was silence between the two teenagers. The words were in her mind, in front of her eyes, as she thought about it strongly. She never locked herself in a room, she never did these things, but she wanted and maybe she needed to, but she didn´t and anytime she got over it. At least she thought so. The conversation confused her a little bit. She didn´t know how to decide. What was normal, what wasn´t? Was his behavior normal? He starred at her then he shook his head.
“No, you don´t know what it´s like, when nothing felt all right. You don´t know what it´s like to be like me.”
Slowly her hand slipped down from his shoulder as he dropped it away from it. He tried to push her away. But she didn´t want him to push her away.
“Sure I know”, she whispered. Her voices sound in her own ears dusty and quiet. Like the voices of an old lady. His eyes caught hers.
“To be hurt, to feel lost? To be left out in the dark? To be kicked when you´re down? To feel like you´ve been pushed around? To be on the edge of breaking down and no ones there to save you?”
For a few second she was shocked. He wasn´t upset, he was destroyed inside and nobody recognized it the whole time. She didn´t either. A guilty shame came over her. Although she didn´t know how he felt, although she thought so at the beginning, she had to say something. There was no choice. If she wouldn´t he would locked himself again and wouldn´t let anybody in. So he needed to give her trust, even if it would be build on a lie.
“Welcome to my life.”
The touch of a smile lifted the right corner of her mouth, as she saw a little shine in his eyes, even when it just lighted it up for a second.
Sometimes it could be right to tell someone a lie, to tell him what he wants, what he needs to hear. Sometimes lies could be the start of healing a great wound. Yes, sometimes it could be right to lie, but was it also right in this moment?

Last but not least the song with lyrics who was my inspiration and helper in the endless boredom during a nonsense-lesson

Jo!

Find ich ne schöne Idee, und das ist doch 'mal eine Herausforderung!
Okay, auf den ersten Blick schau ich mal, was mir an Verbesserungen auffällt, danach befasse ich mich mit dem Inhalt und du kriegst ein Fazit. Bin nicht mehr so geübt im Kommentare-abgeben, but I hope I can satisfy you a little bit. And SOME answer is better than none, right?

but the words stuck in her mouth

"got stuck in her mouth" kommt mir "richtiger" vor, das andere klingt so verdeutscht, auch wenn ich weiß, was du damit sagen willst.

She didn´t know what was the reason for his Unhappiness

Einmal umstellen bitte
"She didn't know what the reason for his unhappiness was" und im Englischen wird nie etwas außer Eigennamen groß geschrieben.

Maybe something strange happened, maybe not

Da sprichst du von der Vergangenheit der Vergangenheit, also würde ich eine Zeitform zurück empfehlen. "Maybe something strange has been happening" oder "has happened" ? Grammatik ist leider nicht so meine Stärke, vllt. kann dir da jemand anderes mehr helfen.

something that has been exist in him for a long time?

"something that has been existing within him for a long time?"
Wobei ich mir hier auch nicht ganz sicher bin, würde das ganz anders sagen:
"Something that has been existing within his head for a long time?"
oder "deep within" und das "him" weglassen?

His voices was quiet

Also wenn er nicht zwei ist, dann hat er nur eine Stimme. "voice"

“There are you wrong”, she contradict gentle.

There are you wrong? Das tut falsch klingen aber sehr sogar.
"You're wrong" oder "You're wrong with that" ist passender.

She recognize that her own voices

"recognized"

Two ghosts who talking with each other

Entweder: "Two ghosts who were talking to each other"
oder: "Two ghosts talking to each other"

she thought and the idea starts nearly a laugh in her stomach, nearly, at least I didn´t

Wer ist in diesem Fall "I" ? Du sprichst von IHM und IHR, wer ist dann ICH?
"she thought and the idea nearly started a laugh in her stomach. Nearly."

Her voices sound in her own ears dusty and quiet

"Her voice sound (? ist das die richtige Form? Kann dazu nichts finden) dusty and quiet, even in her own ears."
Wobei diese ganze Formulierung sehr deutsch klingt.

Like the voices of an old lady

"voice"

and nobody recognized it the whole time.

"and the whole time nobody ever has recognized it" oder "has been recognizing it"

A guilty shame came over her.

"came over her" gibt es im Englischen nicht.
"She felt guilty shame" oder ähnliches, versuche nicht alles Deutsche wortwörtlich ins Englische zu übersetzen, das geht nicht.

Jut. Also so viel zu den Fehlern, die mir aufgefallen sind.
Die Idee ist schön. Der Junge und seine Freundin (höchstwahrscheinlich) und er lässt sie rein, in sich blicken und sucht vielleicht in einem besonders schwachen, gebrochenen Moment nach Nähe und Verständnis. Und sie weiß, sie kann ihm das nicht geben, sie fühlt nicht dasselbe und will aber nicht, dass er sich unverstanden fühlt. So lügt sie, aber es ist a little white lie, eine kleine Notlüge.
Gefällt mir irgendwie (:

Liebe Grüße
Juls

Hey Juls
Danke für deinen Kommentar, endlich hat mal jemand geantwortet
Ja, ich dachte mir bereits, dass sich dort eine Menge Fehler eingefunden haben, es ist und bleibt eben eine Fremdsprache.
Die Verbesserungsvorschläge werde ich natürlich übernehmen

"came over her" gibt es im Englischen nicht.

Weißt du vielleicht den korrekten Ausdruck dafür?

Freut mich, dass dir die Idee gefallen hat und auch noch mal ein herzliches welcome back von mir, falls ich das noch nicht gepostet hatte
Liebe Grüße
Die Chaosent